I’ve typed and re-typed a title for this post about seven times. reflections. summer reflections. reflections on the first 1/2 of 2022. summer 2022 reflections.
So. It’s almost the end of June 2022. Which means I’m 1/2 through 2022 and 1/3 of the way through my summer break. This year has not been an easy-one–I spent the first several months of 2022 deep in research/writing mode for my history thesis while trying to handle some heavy things in my personal life. Both of those ended by March, though I think my thesis grade took a hit because of it. I’m still incredibly proud of the research I did on the role eugenics placed in the institutionalization of women and girls in Missouri asylums; I hope to continue my pursuit of eugenics, medical ethics, and disability studies in future academic endeavors.
With March came the height of mid-term season and the ever-present grind towards the end of the semester. With so many friends graduating in May the semester took on a particular energy. It had an urgency, a panic, a tangible feeling to it that semesters haven’t had in the past. This brought me home for my last summer break of my college career (kind of) and with it my quintessential summer depression.
Writing it all out like this makes it appear as though 2022 has been the absolute worst year thus far. But in reality, I feel as though I’m pulling out of a darker season of life. I’ve struggled so intensely with my mental health throughout college, and have experienced intense interpersonal conflict with both family and friends as exasperated by COVID-19 and the initial quarantine period. One of my personal flaws, I think, is my love of fresh starts. I love New Years and the start of a new semester, coming home for summer break and graduation–there’s something so comforting about starting anew and giving that other thing, that previous thing, permission to not be anymore.
That’s how I sort of feel about 2022. I’m hedging there, because I’m not sure yet. I called my love of fresh starts a personal flaw because when I fail to live up to said expectations–fail to establish new routines and habits in the timely manner in which I think I should–I punish myself mentally. It’s the Enneagram 1 nature. I came into this summer hoping to keep my general, slow trek out of depression going–to continue to make changes in my life so my brain + my body feel healthier. I have worked to reign in the punishing tendencies, the all or nothing mentality, and have accepted that change can’t happen overnight (duh).
Which is why even though the first six months of 2022 have been hard, or have brought stability more than consistent joy, I’m still optimistic about what they mean. I’m coming out of a darker time. I’m about to enter into my last semester of college and embark on my life thereafter (fresh start again!) and to feel as though I can end college on a high note, or at least with recognition that I’ve grown and evolved tremendously…that all feels powerful.
When I sat down to write today I intended for a little bit reflections and a lot about books…because…I’ve been reading A LOT. I’m at 41/65 for my intended goals of 2022. This was an intentional jump from last year which was 56/50 and an aim to get back towards 2020 (when I didn’t “rediscover” but “re-intensified” my love of reading”) when I read 69/50. BUT based on my reading rates right now…I’m either 9-10 books ahead of schedule (depending on if you ask The Storygraph or Goodreads). Either way, projecting to land even further beyond my 65 book goal, likely surprising 2020s numbers and climbing towards something I haven’t reached since I was in middle school (almost 10 years ago). This is exciting, and feels like a a great example of the ways healing my physical/mental health has improved my life.
Heading into the next two months of summer, I’m going to be focusing 1) studying for the LSAT (which I’m taking this fall) and 2) working on my English thesis prep. I’m not sure which critical lens I’ll be taking yet, but I’m writing my senior English thesis on Octavia Butler. This summer I’m aiming to read all of the novels/short story collections in preparation for this fall–so I can hit the ground writing as soon as I’m back on campus. In addition, I won a research grant so I’ll be traveling to California in August with my mom to do research in the Huntington Library and Archive, which holds all of Octavia Butler’s personal papers.
It’s shaping up to be a busy time, but busy is easier when I’m not feeling apathetic and bleh. Hoping that the rest of this summer, and second 1/2 of 2022 can maintain these feelings.
July + August are for summer adventuring, sno-cones, hanging with the kids I nanny, exciting work days at The Novel Neighbor, fancy cocktails with friends, running, spending days in the river, reading in my hammock, lazy afternoon naps, and all the other good things that make up summer.
